Keep Your Friends Close, but Your Enemies Closer

One thing that we housewives are all good at is keeping everyone on the edge of our seats waiting for shit to hit the fan next.  Since freshman year we have all participated in a weekly event called prank wars.  Basically you are free to do whatever you want to the opposing room and roommates.  Freshman and sophomore year had two distinct teams, because we lived in groups of two and three.  Now, it is every man for themselves so keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

At first it started out as harmless fun.  Jada and I were the first to hit Ashley and Helga's room freshman, year which now I feel was a huge regret for starting this game.  All we did was TP their whole room and throw in a few water balloons. They quickly retaliated by taking our towels when we were showering, leaving us to fend for ourselves on how to get back to our rooms.  There was no getting out of this, so we took down the shower curtains and quickly ran from the community bathroom down the hall back into our rooms. Still keeping it friendly, Jada and I did a classic move by covering the entire floor with little solo cups of water.  

This is where it got serious.  It was no longer a game, it was now war.  We made two rules, 1. you have one week to get someone back, and if you don't you can then prank them again and 2. don't be distractive.  

Marta pulled the first one of the junior year season and hid multiple alarm clocks in Jada's room.  Now something that you need to know about Jada is she loves her bed.  She only leaves it to get her cheez-its, then it's right back to her cave.  The alarms were set for every hour, and at first, it didn't bother Jada.  She put on her beats and avoided getting out of bed to fix the problem.  But as soon as she wanted to take a nap, (and that was now impossible) she decided to do something about it.  Marta was smarter than Jada and she could not find all the alarms that she had hidden.  It drove Jada so insane that she got up and slept on the couch that night.  Marta 1 Jada 0.  

The next prank has to be my all time favorite.  Ashley, being the crazy girl that she is, took these pranks to a whole new level.  She caught a bird… a bird, and trapped it under a laundry basket on my desk.  Not knowing why that was on my desk I lifted it and out flew the bird.  You have got to be kidding me. Panicking, I swung open my door and he flew into the bathroom.  It stuck around for about a half hour until I successfully guided it out of the apartment.  Touche.  Ashley 500 Julez -50.

Jada became the most popular girl on campus during this prank.  I still have no idea how we convinced her that this was a good idea, but I am so happy that we did.  Jada allowed us to duct tape her to a pole outside the cafeteria.  We did it on a senior night when we knew that there would be a lot of people passing by.  Hundreds of drunk seniors passed her and thought that she was stranded up on the pole
and needed help down.  We successfully had her stuck there for a half hour before someone came and yelled at us.  Jada 10, but also -20 for allowing this.

Our prank wars are something that I for some reason look forward to every week.  Even though sometimes at the time they seem like the worst jokes ever, they always make for a good story in the end.  Knowing that these will continue I will keep you all updated on the good ones.

xoxo J

The Housewives Get Their First Pet

Living with girls you would assume that the apartment would be spotless, because we're girls and all we do is cook and clean, right?  Wrong.  So wrong.  Our apartment is disgusting. It smells like our soccer cleats and people rarely clean up after themselves.  Kylie finds it necessary to see if she can successfully throw Skittles under a door, and Jada thinks it's socially acceptable to take her contacts out and throw them across the room.  Crumbs pile up from the loads of carbs we eat in order to maintain our energy and don't even get me started on the sink.  Living in an apartment this dirty comes with major consequences and we faced this head on, on the third day of living in our new place.

At three in the morning Chloe got up to do god knows what, probably polish her crown, when she met our eighth housewife.  Our new little friend scurried across her feet and darted into her room and under her bed.  Chloe has a seriously problem where she doesn't know how to whisper, so you could imagine how loud her scream was when she saw her new friend. Waking up in a panic that something was seriously wrong, we all gathered in the living room to see what the problem was.  Chloe had seen our new pet, Bebe La Rue.... a mouse.

Bebe La Rue was too afraid to show her face for the first few days, so naturally we all thought princess Chloe was making it up, and it was just something she had dreamt.  Then finally a week later, Bebe La Rue had babies, yes, babies, who were not as shy as their mother.  As if we didn't have enough people occupying this house, we now have five little mouse babies running around, bringing Terranova to a grand total of thirteen housewives.  Please, just get me the hell out of this place.

The next morning we all looked up the facts about mice on the internet and this is as dangerous as a hypochondriac going on WebMD.  We learned that mice can jump 9 inches, which we took as they would crawl into our beds at night and snuggle up next to us.  We even took it as far as getting dressed on chairs, just in case one of our pets wanted to hangout.  A little dramatic I know, but after all we are all diva housewives.

As soon as one got caught, they all seemed to get trapped, in one place.  Under Chloe's bed.  Chloe and Jada had become immune to the dead mouse smell taking over their room that when we all told them their room smelled they took it personally.  Bebe La Rue and her children laid in peace under Chloe's bed for three more days until they finally swallowed their pride and admitted that their room wreaked.  And to Chloe's pleasant surprise, she found her three a.m. friend that everyone doubted existed.  

I know what you were thinking at the beginning of this post, a pet, sounds kinda cool.  No.  Our pet was something that you never want to happen to your apartment or house.  One mouse is bad enough, but we had six.  Maybe we should take our roles as housewives more seriously and stick to the cooking and cleaning.
xoxo J

Meeting the Housewives

Living with seven of your best friends seems like a great idea, right? Well, sometimes, like now instead of just one closet, you have seven, or the fact that you will always have someone to do activities with.  But wait, do these all seem like the greatest things ever, all of the time?  What if someone steals your favorite shirt without telling you and then stains it, or when you just need you're own space, someone is always there to remind you that you don't have it.  Living with seven other girls can be the best yet worst times of your life.  Let's hope more good than bad, and with my group of housewives it's been amazing thus far.

Now let me introduce you to my seven housewives.  First there is Helga a classic Californian who has it all.  Then there's Chloe, the Long Island Princess, need I say more?  Marta is your famous mother figure who makes sure you go to sleep with an extra ten pounds from the authentic dinner she cooked.  Then there's the Jersey bitch, I mean girl, did I say bitch, Ashley, who is never shy to tell you what's on her mind.  Want to be smothered with love no matter how hard you try to fight it, meet Jada, our puppy dog of a roommate.  The most recent housewife is Kylie. Then there's me, Juliana, and I plan to tell you all the dirty little secrets this apartment holds dear to their hearts.  See you next week,

xoxo J